Here’s an excerpt:

A New York City subway train holds 1,200 people. This blog was viewed about 8,000 times in 2011. If it were a NYC subway train, it would take about 7 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

I figured I might as well try it. Why not? I mean, what could go wrong?

My parents bought all that I wanted: An iPod, a big-screen TV,

a camera, a laptop computer, a Playstation, Xbox, and Wii.

I got a new Kindle, a smart phone, an RF remote-controlled car,

a robot, a video camera, a brand new electric guitar.

But those things were just the beginning. This Christmas, I had such a haul,

it took me all morning, and then some, to finish unwrapping it all.

A hundred new gadgets to play with. I couldn’t be bothered to wait.

The moment I plugged them all in, though, it blew every fuse in the state.

If you’re spending Christmas in darkness, and can’t play your video game,

I’m sorry for all of the trouble; it’s probably me who’s to blame.

I know now I shouldn’t be greedy, so, next year, I think you’ll be fine.

Instead of a hundred new gadgets, I’m asking for just ninety nine

Copyright © 2011 Kenn Nesbitt

Christmas 2011

This year Santa will be greatly pushed to meet demands,
He’s got to make some cutbacks and he can’t tell where he stands.
The tax on overtime’s gone up for all his worker Elves,
The Christmas gifts aren’t in the sacks, they’re all still on the shelves.

The ‘Sleigh Tax’ that they’ve just brought in means less time in the sky,
And flight control can’t guarantee a slot to let him fly.
A bill for an outstanding fine, says payment’s overdue,
Last year he couldn’t find a bin to put the reindeer poo.

Mrs Christmas had enough and left him for a Gnome,
She cleaned him out financially; an igloo’s now his home.
The Councils have decided he should pay a parking fee,
But his reaction to the news was bloody hell f*** me.

His outburst was perceived to be un-Christmas-like and rude,
There’s now a chance his Christmas licence may not be renewed.
His pension’s non-existent and his pay is just a joke,
He’d be better off on benefits and wouldn’t be so broke.

Santa Claus and his disgruntled crew all feel alike,
This Christmas day is cancelled as they’ll all be out on strike.

Ho Ho Ho
© Yvonne Nowakowski 2011

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The night is dark, the moon is full,
I sit there waiting fearfully.
There is a knock, is someone there?
Should I dare to go and see?
The dog is hovering by the door,
And bravely barks with all his might.
Until he sees the ghosts and ghouls,
He yelps and disappears from sight.

If you want ghosts and ghoulies a-knocking at your door
Then give them sweets and chocolate and they’ll come back for more

It’s creepy it’s scary it’s Halloween,
The Pumpkins flicker in the night.
‘Trick or treat’ they chime together,
Witches and Zombies a grizzly sight.
Bat like creatures floating by,
All flocking to our doors to feast.
With body bags slung round their necks,
To feed until the night has ceased.

If you like ghosts and ghoulies a-knocking at your door
Then give them all your money and they’ll be back for sure

I throw a white sheet over me,
And pour some red wine right on top.
I slip some false fangs in my mouth,
Then don a black wig for my mop.
A dagger in my side looks good
I open up the door to play
I can’t however understand
What’s made them scream and run away

If you don’t want the ghoulies a-knocking at your door
Then dress up really scary and they’ll run away for sure.

© Yvonne Nowakowski 2011

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Birthday boy ( with a new car)

This year on my birthday I’ll be driving out in style

Cos I’ve now got a motor that will make the girls all smile

They surely can’t resist me now that I have my own wheels

With luck they’ll ask to test it out to see just how it feels

I better keep my speed down for I don’t want to get done

For putting down my foot and doing well over a ton.

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Economy Royal Wedding

The royal wedding this time is being paid for by the Queen,
To cut costs even furthers she’s gone halves with Hello Magazine.
Well that takes care of photos and should give them great esteem,
But it doesn’t necessarily mean it’ll all go like a dream….

Although the organizers think they have it all in hand,
Imagine if the big day doesn’t go quite as they planned.
William’s still hung-over from his madcap bachelor do,
He’s woken up to find he’s not in England, but Peru.

Kate is flabbergasted that she has put on a pound,
The skin tight dress she ordered will not stretch the whole way round.
Her majesty is wearing an ensemble all in blue,
But oh! another guest has on that very same dress too.

Camilla gasps and keeps her coat on, sweating like a pig,
She gets her hip flask out and takes a great big gulping swig.
Beatrice is not happy as her hair still looks a mess,
And swans off to the vestry where she’s hiding from the press.

Zara’s turned up for the wedding with her guest of course,
But she’s not brought fiancé Mike, she’s gone and brought her horse.
Harry’s there and Chelsea too, they say that they’re apart,
But when she looks at him she just can’t stop her beating heart.

Charles has sneaked an advert in for his organic jam,
And now the wedding won’t be filmed because it’s full of spam.
The bride and groom are ready now to say the words ‘I do’,
But then there is a cry from Chelsea ‘marry us please too’.

The Queen is grinning widely at what Chelsea has just done,
As now it seems she’s got two weddings for the price of one.

© Yvonne Nowakowski 2011

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The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Fresher than ever.

Crunchy numbers

A Boeing 747-400 passenger jet can hold 416 passengers. This blog was viewed about 6,400 times in 2010. That’s about 15 full 747s.

In 2010, there were 30 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 176 posts. There were 24 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 2mb. That’s about 2 pictures per month.

The busiest day of the year was April 21st with 64 views. The most popular post that day was Birthday Sister (Line Dancing Fan).

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were haiku.com, facebook.com, poetry4kids.com, en.wordpress.com, and uk.answers.yahoo.com.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for humphrey bogart, line dancing, line dance, cow pat, and karaoke singer.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.

Birthday Sister (Line Dancing Fan) May 2009
1 comment

Home Page February 2009
1 comment

Mrs Posh Goes Shopping January 2010
1 comment

Humphrey Bogart Fan – Birthday February 2009
1 comment

All Purpose Cow Pat June 2009
3 comments

Mrs Posh Visits

I’m not expecting anyone to call on me today,

This is a day when I intend to slob out all the way.

I haven’t even cleaned my teeth or tried to brush my hair,

I’ve even got my jammys on but who is going to care.

I’ve left the washing up and all the laundry’s on the floor,

A scary spectacle is lurking behind every door.

I stand there nibbling junk food and then scratching my backside,

I lift my pongy armpits up and sniff the underside.

I look out through the window, gasping at the shocking view,

Cos staring back is Mrs Posh from number 42.

Instead of calling at the front she took a different tack,

Deciding to surprise me she had wandered round the back.

Her nose is screwed up pig-like and she bares a twisted grin,

I feel too shocked to make excuses not to let her in.

“I have a window in my schedule”, she explains to me,

“I think I have the time at last to have that cup of tea”.

She starts to pet the dog while having tea and mini snickers,

But recoils quickly when she sees his jaws clamped round some knickers.

She snoops off to the throne room as her tea’s worked its way through,

But screams when she bumps into hubby, starkers in the loo.

The dog appears still with the dirty knickers in his jaws,

In shock, she takes and hands them over asking “are these yours”.

Hubby quickly puts them on to cover up his plight,

But Mrs P is looking quite astonished at the sight.

He now has on some heart shaped panties, much too small it’s clear,

And on the front in fancy writing “Honey stroke me here”.

I pour another cuppa out and add a slug of gin,

And make a silly joke about how much her luck was in.

4pm the gin bottle is empty and we’re drunk,

At least now neither of us cares that I smell like a skunk.

Letting out a belch she says “It’s time for me to go”,

She gets up from her chair whilst swaying wildly to and fro.

She turns to go and thanks me greatly for the tea and snickers,

But snagged up on her shoe heel is a pair of heart shaped knickers.

Hubby’s out of hiding now and quickly pulls them free,

She turns to see him blow his nose with a red heart shaped hanky.

© Yvonne Nowakowski 2009

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Friend

A friend is someone who is always around,

Someone who helps keep your feet on the ground.

Someone who likes you when you’re not so nice,

Someone who’ll help you without thinking twice.

Someone to chat to about all you fears,

Someone you think of throughout all the years.

Who is a friend who is faithful and true?

I think Its a person exactly like you.

© Yvonne Nowakowski 2010

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